exhaustion continued

Well, I survived my late night crash course of the homework I was behind on, I passed out at 1am and woke up at 8am, so exhausted! But I had to get up and start this weeks work, and get a head start on my essay due next week. These end of the month essays of everything I learned and applied to my life in a month kicks my butt every time. It’s good and very informational and helpful to what I have learned, but it is very hard, and this class seems to be my hardest so far, I think because it has been the most applicable I have done. Its so much good information that I am trying to retain that I can’t finish by my due dates. I was late the last two weeks, which is so unlike me. I emailed my professor to let him know so I wouldn’t be docked any credit on my grades, but he hasn’t responded to either of my two emails and I am worried. Enough on school talk….
I been in contact with an old friend this last week, and it was nice to reconnect with her. Her life hasn’t been great in this time of absence from our friendship, but she has her life together and back on track. I forgot how much I missed having her in life, she is one of my only friends from when I was a teenager that appericates how much I changed and values that change in me, admires me for it. She pushes me to keep going forward, and to not look or go back. Its strange that she has always been such a great influence on my life, because she doesn’t always have her life in order. But I know that it is because (and this is not pride, this is what she has told me) she looks up to me and admires that I turned my junk of a life into something of value, and that has been only due to Christ, and she knows that as well. 
Things with my sister are about the same, if not worse. She isn’t speaking to me again…. I honestly don’t understand her, and I am afraid I never will.
One of my brothers has been reaching out, which is good, weird, but good. We never had a relationship ever – I saw him socially/family event last when I was 15, then saw him again when I was 21 at my dad’s funeral – I am now 25. To say the least it has been awhile, but having a sibling reach out to me for once is nice for a change. 


exhaustion is knocking

I am sitting out in the freezing cold, drinking hot decaf coffee just to keep warm. Have to finish homework and the wifi is the best outside. I am beyond exhausted, but I must push through,  I must keep going, and ignore the call of bed beckoning me. Its hard to fight it, the all consuming power called exhaustion, but there is no time, have to finish a lecture and take a test. I can do this. So for now, I can’t be tired, I can’t be cold, I push it away, ignore it and do what needs to be done. 

I am still here

Well, hello again! 
Its been awhile. I don’t know what it is but I just hadn’t felt like writing much until now. I feel like I have so much to say but not really sure where to begin. Classes are going great! Just a few more months until I have my counseling degree! I am so excited. 
Life is so great, and so pleasantly unexpected lately!!!!! 
I am still single, but for the first time I don’t really care, it will happen when it happens, I will fall in love when I meet the right person and it’s meant to happen. I am done trying to make it happen, I thought it would be difficult to come to this place, but it honestly wasn’t. I was just missing the importance of discovering and falling in love with myself. I mean how can I love someone, get to know them, and expect them to know and love me. Unless I learn to do the same by myself? Can’t believe it took me turning 25 to realize this epiphany! It was my own “Eureka I found it” moment, and it was beautiful!Yes, during my absence, I have had a birthday and I am not officially 25. Weird, that I am a quarter of a century old. 
I decided that, I really am going to go through with it and write that book I have been longing to write. I thought about it almost two years ago and actually started writing it and got about 5 chapters in but them tossed it. Which I don’t regret, it was no good and new I needed to start fresh, but wanted to wait until I was ready, I believe now I am ready. So I am going to be talking to some friends I know to see how to go about the publishing process, I am no where near ready to publish, haven’t started writing yet. But I wanted to be prepared and know the proper channels to go through for this grueling process. 
Well thats all for now, thanks for tuning in! I will try to be better with the updates