I finally have internet in my room! This is incredibly amazing and such a blessing!
I believe I live too much in my own head. I have what you would call an overactive imagination, and it tends to take me places my mind never means to go. Nothing bad or anything, just things I wish to not think about it, but wind up unintentionally getting lost in thoughts over. It can be frustrating to say the least. I just have so much I want to do or say, and I stink at expressing myself and tend to make situations extremely awkward and the moment is lost, story of my life!
I have no idea if any of this even made sense. I infuriate myself to no end on a daily basis.
I mean is it possible to be so annoyed of yourself and sick of it all, that you don’t even want to be around other people afraid that your own annoyance will become theirs? This isn’t about pity or meant to be depressive, I am just being in all honesty, sincere on how I am feeling and what I am struggling or dealing with. I can’t be in a room alone with myself, I don’t know what is wrong, but I can’t stand myself and I don’t know why. Could be I have been spending too much time alone, maybe?…
I got to get out of my head, I am going to end up driving myself mad one of these days, completely insane quite possibly.
I feel like I haven’t said anything worth meaning on here in quite sometime. Its not like I have to have some deep meaningful post every time or anything, but at least if I could produce something of value every once in awhile would be nice. I just don’t feel capable of that anymore,like I have lost all ability to do that, which I know it isn’t true, but it feels true. Its like with age I have lost my creativity, my pursuit to be an individual and just write it all, to write poems, stories, etc. Its almost if life has interfered with that ability in some way, shape or form. I am not even sure if that is even possible or if anything I am saying right now makes any sense or not, but it is what it is. I feel like I almost have nothing to offer this blogging world anymore, I feel like my site is a waste of space and time. I find no meaning in it anymore and don’t enjoy it as much as I use to. I don’t want to quit blogging, the whole reason I made this blog was because xanga was leaving and I wasn’t ready to leave. I think I just need to clear this all out in my head and I need to discover the reason behind as to why I want to blog. I have to find my purpose in it all over again.