Growing up

the clock is dwindling closer to midnight and I realize that I am no where near tired as I should be. And I believe I need to brace myself for another one of my sleepless nights. I hate those nights, I really do – I love sleep but it doesn’t always love me to say the least. I am sad that these last few years I have lost the adventurous side of myself, I have lost the wander in me and it truly breaks my heart, because I desire to be that way still. But too much has gotten in the way, more to the point, life has gotten in the way, responsibilities, and such. I wish I could stop the growing up process, or at least slow it down, I mean I will be 26 years old in just a little over two months! Thats insane, right? 26… wow… not by any means do I think that is old, not at all, I know I am still young, I just… I don’t know where the time has gone, its liked I blinked and slipped from 20 to 25 – really, it has been that fast! And it is a reality check in the way, because what I have expected in my life by 25 in some cases has far surpassed my expectations and limits of myself, (boy has it, some areas my life is still adventure that never ceases to amaze me) and it other regards, my life has not met my expectations… I honestly, truly believed I would have been married and had children now. I have no children, I am not married nor am I in any type of relationship that could possibly lead up to that. But, really, life has never been what I thought it would be, if you would had asked me at 17 where I thought I would be in 5 years, I would have told you dead and buried, and more than likely within a year not 5. I had no ambition in life at that time and I was living a life of pure self destruction was bound to kill me before too long. And it should have, I really should have died December 10, 2006 – but by God’s grace, He let me live, and more than that, it was as if He gave me life for the first time. My life that was on a dramatic downward spiral took a drastic twist and became a dramatic upward climb from a world of dark, grey and gloom to vibrant colors of love, joy, and peace all consuming. I am forever thankful and forever grateful for the day He saved me, body, mind, soul and spirit!