I fear that I have lost my depth and any ability to have a conversation of any meaning or value of substance now days. I believe that any original thought that I once had is now gone and that college just sucked the life from within me.
The worse part is that my inner self of wounder or curiosity has seem to vanish.These were qualities that I most loved about myself, my sense of adventure. Now, I find myself secluding myself and hiding away from the woes of life. Seems drastic? Possibly, I do tend to be an extreme person, however, I absolutely mean every single word.
I often find myself completely lost in conversations and with much difficultly to put forth the effort to connect, I just walk away without a word.
It’s like I have become empty, but no, its worse, I am hallow – some might see as the same, but it is not. I say this from experience. I have been empty, my life as a teenager was quite empty and lonely, I only knew of anger and hatred, it was all consuming and often very confusing. Since then I have become full of life and joy, love and peace, I know not of anger or hatred because I choose better. Having experience the fullness of life, one cannot become empty again (maybe that is naive, but that is what I wholeheartedly believe with all my being).
To be hallow, is to have everything within you be sucked away, you feel like you are missing something, but cannot quite remember because it has now been lost… no not lost, taken from you.
The difference between empty and hallow, is that you can become empty, but you are left hallow – you see, there is a big difference.