Waiting…

I feel like I have spent my whole life waiting

Always waiting for something to happen or waiting on someone to show up

waiting for empty promises that are never fulfilled

waiting and hoping that I won’t be disappointed yet again

Disappointment was something I grew into use during my childhood, bitter disappointment was the daily norm.

Eventually, I evolved into no longer becoming bitter, and my disappointment turned into the ever expectation of always waiting.

I was waiting for mom and dad to stop screaming

Always waiting for dad to sleep off his never ending hangover so he could feed us

I remember waiting for mom to come home and realizing after a few months that might not ever happen

I spent my awkward teenage years waiting for someone to notice me, to see the abuse and the neglect and give me the affection I so desperately craved.

I could hardly wait until I could be a grownup all on my own and not have to constantly wait on someone else to follow through on what they should do

And now, into my adult years – I feel like I am still waiting…

But not in the way that I ever expected I would

Because now, I am more hopeful in humanity and shocked when I am disappointed, so waiting is an easy task

The waiting has turned into more of an anticipation.

Anticipating on the waiting for the man I am destined to marry to show up in my life

Yet, there is nothing more than radio silence…

I am hopeful in the waiting…

Longing for the joy that I know that will spring up from the well of patiently waiting within

Waiting has taken on a new meaning in my life – it is no longer disappointing or bitter

Waiting is not full of anger or resentment

Waiting is joyous

Waiting is a patient calm stilled within my soul

Waiting is apart of who I am

So I’ll be here waiting

 

Advertisements

One response to “Waiting…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s