I feel like I have spent my whole life waiting
Always waiting for something to happen or waiting on someone to show up
waiting for empty promises that are never fulfilled
waiting and hoping that I won’t be disappointed yet again
Disappointment was something I grew into use during my childhood, bitter disappointment was the daily norm.
Eventually, I evolved into no longer becoming bitter, and my disappointment turned into the ever expectation of always waiting.
I was waiting for mom and dad to stop screaming
Always waiting for dad to sleep off his never ending hangover so he could feed us
I remember waiting for mom to come home and realizing after a few months that might not ever happen
I spent my awkward teenage years waiting for someone to notice me, to see the abuse and the neglect and give me the affection I so desperately craved.
I could hardly wait until I could be a grownup all on my own and not have to constantly wait on someone else to follow through on what they should do
And now, into my adult years – I feel like I am still waiting…
But not in the way that I ever expected I would
Because now, I am more hopeful in humanity and shocked when I am disappointed, so waiting is an easy task
The waiting has turned into more of an anticipation.
Anticipating on the waiting for the man I am destined to marry to show up in my life
Yet, there is nothing more than radio silence…
I am hopeful in the waiting…
Longing for the joy that I know that will spring up from the well of patiently waiting within
Waiting has taken on a new meaning in my life – it is no longer disappointing or bitter
Waiting is not full of anger or resentment
Waiting is joyous
Waiting is a patient calm stilled within my soul
Waiting is apart of who I am
So I’ll be here waiting