Sometimes the loneliness creeps in and the solace I use to feel in isolation suddenly holds me hostage in a cage of my own making.
Something I have been learning lately is the importance of relationships and community with one another. I am trying to discover what that actually looks like for me. Especially in learning what it means to live in vulnerability; to have an honest connection with others. And in the name of being honest, it’s terrifying to me.
It is natural to be honest on here, because it’s not face to face, I do not see an immediate reaction. But to open up to a person right in front of me is hard. I’ve done a few times in the last year and it has been the most difficult and scariest place for me to be. But I feel so much freedom in is afterwards.
As humans we were created for community, for connection. God said to Adam in Genesis that it was not good for man to be alone, God provided Eve and He wanted to be fruitful and multiple. This doesn’t just mean that we need to be in an intimate relationship and be married, no, this passage is talking about living life in authentic community.
I’ve done really well establishing a work community, a church community, a bible community, but I am struggling in establishing a personal community. My best friend moved away a few months ago. That was honestly devastating to me, but instead of sulking about it, I went out and made friends and built relationship. So why am I still struggling? Because I am just now building some friendships in going beyond surface level. Letting them see the real me, is so terrifying that it is almost paralyzing.
However, I am pushing through and doing it anyways. Because life is about community and community is about being authentic and vulnerable with one another, so I am doing it anyways. I just have to go against my natural instinct to push everyone away because its easier and protects me from rejection and abandonment. Got to dig at core fears until they no longer have a hold on me.
I am not a lost cause in this, I am not too awkward and weird to have friends. I will not walk in bondage to these lies anymore!